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Through loving him, I have learned to reach higher, dare greater, and yes, fall harder; and, get up stronger. I have learned to love bigger, and better. Learning that I can be whole, on my own, not a half of one, is a powerful tool against fear of loss.
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Andrew, Wye, Dave and Chrissy. Photo: Insight Insight After 18 months of intense therapy with a fantastic psychologist, books, articles, TED talks, support from friends, forums, anything I could get my hands on, I emerged a little bit wiser, and a little more humble. Possibly also, a little less of a control freak! It amazes me how steadfast Dave has been, through the never-ending tears, through the constant need to process.
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Though he lost his patience a few times in those dark days, he made sure I never doubted his love and commitment to me. Whilst maintaining his integrity, and also respect and commitment to his other partners. I am so inspired by him!
The new me wanted to see if I too, could love more than one person at the same time. I met Andrew on an online dating site in December When his relationship ended, he had emerged from it knowing he never wanted traditional relationships again. We have such an amazing connection that is so easy and comfortable.
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Dave is fun, challenging, never boring. Andrew is stable, gentle, and understands me instinctively. Both men are independent and strong; they don't need me, and yet both love me unreservedly, just the way I am.
My heart swells with love, and I feel at home, safe, and cherished, by each of them. They don't feel they have half of me, just like I don't feel I only have half fgiendship Dave. My life is so full of joy, fun, and laughter. When I am with neither of them, I cherish my time to myself, enjoying my own company, or the company of friendssomething I had never bothered to value before.
One day, I am sure Andrew will find another partner, and the uncertainty will be challenging and scary for me. But I don't fear it.
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It's the same with Dave, it's always a bit scary when he meets a new partner. But the joy I get from the fact that the guys are free to choose whoever they want to be with, and they do; AND still choose to be with me, is far more powerfully validating, than any prescribed accepted set awnting behaviours.
So, in practicality, how does it all work? Dave and I fgiendship a home, and finances. We individually spend on average two nights a week with Chrissy and Andrew respectively, both have their own homes in which they live with their children.
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We usually stay at theirs, but when they sometimes stay at ours, David sleeps with Chrissy in our bedroom, and Andrew sleeps with me in my cosy den. We have all become friends, and often go out together, or enjoy games nights at home, or sometimes just hanging out in the kitchen chatting. Through polyamoryI have been able to redefine my core value around what love and commitment means. When I first fell in love, it meant choosing one and forsaking all others.
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You honour that same choice every day. There is nothing wrong with that, if that is what feels authentic to you. Today, as I have grown, love and commitment that honours autonomy and freedom sits much xhat with the person that I am now. If you're interested me. I won't respond without a of yourself.
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If we like how things are going we can maybe go further but only if we both want the same thing. I am married and it is fine if you are too, I do not want to change my situation and do wiith expect you to change yours either. If we do decide to take things to the next step, I am very oral and love to please a woman for wantong periods of time, we can talk about both of our likes and dislikes more when we meet.
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